Can't believe it's been more than 3 years since I last posted. Still no followers. Job still sucks. Weight has stayed steady. Got back down to 117 but crept back up and stayed at 130. At least body composition is better and am no longer really all that concerned about my body. What I am concerned about is the craptastic direction my life has taken. I still personal train part-time but I also have another job in the mornings that I absolutely hate. It sucks the life out of me. The pay is horrible.
And my life at home isnt great either. I am more than a backslidden personal trainer...I sometimes feel like a rotten human being. I'm the other woman. Have been one for years. That's part of the reason my exhusband got primary custody of my son is because he found out I cheated on him. I was a fool. I threw my family away for what?
To be a mistress to a married man.
2009, 2010, 2011, 2012,2013..still a mistress.
And at night I sleep alone by myself in a small apartment. Life isn't good. I know, I made my bed now I have to lie in it. The only thing is..it is hard.
I get to see my son during the weekends which I look forward to. I just hate my money situation. I want to make the weekends great when he is with me, but I can barely afford to get enough groceries when he is here.
I know..i sound like a whiner but no one is following me anyways. Today I make my blog my diary.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Saturday, October 23, 2010
13 days later
127.2
Not even a complete 1 lb loss. That's ok.
I haven't gained any more either. At the same time I haven't been strict with my eating. I haven't overeaten at any time but I also am not denying myself either.
I also am pleased that I am not losing upperbody strength. That is my biggest fear. I worked so hard to get arms people stop me on the street for!
My arms still look as good as they did before my accident that caused me to hurt my shoulder. Took a week completely off and then am easing back with these 10 min workouts.
Yesterday was Day 10 of the 10 minute workouts
Did 2 min warmup with 6 lb med ball - woodchoopers(10 reps) followed immediately by push presses (10 reps) for 2 minutes
and then 8 minutes nonstop(a drink or two there) consisting of 8 reps of
12 lb dumbell squats
8 lb dumbell stationary lunge with press
4 lb rear flies
then a tabata interval(20 work/10 rest) of jump squats. 2 min
Going to celebrate with a friend of mine who just finished her master's. Meeting her for cake and coffee.
Yes, cake! I won't feel guilty either!
One more week of these 10 min workouts and then I think I will add more time. These workouts are making me look forward to a longer session.
I do think that when I do meet my weight loss goals, I will still use a week of 10 min workouts to deload. I learned the hard way after competing that trying to maintain that schedule after being on stage backfires. I need to plan a week of rest. I don't mean resting by sitting on one's butt either. I mean making exercise less of a priority. Fun. Games. More enjoyable.
Doing these 10 min workouts has made my body crave a longer session. (don't get me wrong the 10 min sessions are intense too!) I guess it's like denying oneself carbs. No carbs = me want carbs!
Short exercise sessions = body can't wait to move longer!
Hopefully it will shock my body and produce even faster results.
Not even a complete 1 lb loss. That's ok.
I haven't gained any more either. At the same time I haven't been strict with my eating. I haven't overeaten at any time but I also am not denying myself either.
I also am pleased that I am not losing upperbody strength. That is my biggest fear. I worked so hard to get arms people stop me on the street for!
My arms still look as good as they did before my accident that caused me to hurt my shoulder. Took a week completely off and then am easing back with these 10 min workouts.
Yesterday was Day 10 of the 10 minute workouts
Did 2 min warmup with 6 lb med ball - woodchoopers(10 reps) followed immediately by push presses (10 reps) for 2 minutes
and then 8 minutes nonstop(a drink or two there) consisting of 8 reps of
12 lb dumbell squats
8 lb dumbell stationary lunge with press
4 lb rear flies
then a tabata interval(20 work/10 rest) of jump squats. 2 min
Going to celebrate with a friend of mine who just finished her master's. Meeting her for cake and coffee.
Yes, cake! I won't feel guilty either!
One more week of these 10 min workouts and then I think I will add more time. These workouts are making me look forward to a longer session.
I do think that when I do meet my weight loss goals, I will still use a week of 10 min workouts to deload. I learned the hard way after competing that trying to maintain that schedule after being on stage backfires. I need to plan a week of rest. I don't mean resting by sitting on one's butt either. I mean making exercise less of a priority. Fun. Games. More enjoyable.
Doing these 10 min workouts has made my body crave a longer session. (don't get me wrong the 10 min sessions are intense too!) I guess it's like denying oneself carbs. No carbs = me want carbs!
Short exercise sessions = body can't wait to move longer!
Hopefully it will shock my body and produce even faster results.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Day 1 of getting my body back!
Wt- 127.9
Breakfast - cinnamon oatmeal and peanut butter on toast.
Snack - hardboiled egg and apple.
Lunch & Dinner- soon!
Today my back was still hurting. Almost decided to delay my workout until the next day, but afraid I will keep putting it off. I don't want to be one of those fat personal trainers. I decided to do just the warmup portion of the routine and if I felt better, I would continue.
After moving around a bit and getting the blood flowing my back actually hurt less.
Did Workout #1 from the Fatlosstogo.com program.
I warmed up with a 6 lb medicine ball. Did 10 reps of woodchoppers and squat with overhead press until 2 minutes was up. Immediately I followed up with 8 reps of DB swings (used 10 lb for all DB exercises), regular pushup (I did this instead of the chest press listed for the routine because I prefer pushups) and DB push press. Just a few weeks ago I was doing 20 lbs with the DB push press. Now 10 seems like a lot. After doing the above circuit for 8 minutes I finished off with burpees done tabata style. 20 seconds of work/10 sec rest for 2 minutes.
Intense!
I felt more worn out than when I run on the treadmill. Total workout time- 12 min!
The good thing about the 12 minute workout- not so famished at the end. Didn't feel like stuffing my face. Had my apple and egg and felt satisfied. Before i would train for nearly an hour and then stuff my face in a way that I am sure negated my progress.
I promise to never let myself fall so far back in my progress. I also injured myself so I know that has alot to do with it but it doesn't shut that voice inside me that tells me I am weak. I must not become discouraged.
Weight wise I don't have that much to go. I want to at least get to 122. That's the weight where Iremembered feeling fit and not starving.
Going from 127.9 to 122 is not impossible, although it feels that way. I tell my clients it's a slow process and there is no quick fix. I have to realize that's true for me as well. Some of my clients have much farther to go than I do. If I feel this bad being 5lbs away from my goal wt...I can only imagine how it feels 10 lbs out, 15 lbs out...etc.
When I was pregnant I did lose about 60 lbs to come down to 115...but I had a baby I was busy with and I actually was less concerned about the weight. It pretty much fell off.
Now I have no baby and my weight is my main concern. It's not falling off although it's only 5 lbs. I must be patient.
Breakfast - cinnamon oatmeal and peanut butter on toast.
Snack - hardboiled egg and apple.
Lunch & Dinner- soon!
Today my back was still hurting. Almost decided to delay my workout until the next day, but afraid I will keep putting it off. I don't want to be one of those fat personal trainers. I decided to do just the warmup portion of the routine and if I felt better, I would continue.
After moving around a bit and getting the blood flowing my back actually hurt less.
Did Workout #1 from the Fatlosstogo.com program.
I warmed up with a 6 lb medicine ball. Did 10 reps of woodchoppers and squat with overhead press until 2 minutes was up. Immediately I followed up with 8 reps of DB swings (used 10 lb for all DB exercises), regular pushup (I did this instead of the chest press listed for the routine because I prefer pushups) and DB push press. Just a few weeks ago I was doing 20 lbs with the DB push press. Now 10 seems like a lot. After doing the above circuit for 8 minutes I finished off with burpees done tabata style. 20 seconds of work/10 sec rest for 2 minutes.
Intense!
I felt more worn out than when I run on the treadmill. Total workout time- 12 min!
The good thing about the 12 minute workout- not so famished at the end. Didn't feel like stuffing my face. Had my apple and egg and felt satisfied. Before i would train for nearly an hour and then stuff my face in a way that I am sure negated my progress.
I promise to never let myself fall so far back in my progress. I also injured myself so I know that has alot to do with it but it doesn't shut that voice inside me that tells me I am weak. I must not become discouraged.
Weight wise I don't have that much to go. I want to at least get to 122. That's the weight where Iremembered feeling fit and not starving.
Going from 127.9 to 122 is not impossible, although it feels that way. I tell my clients it's a slow process and there is no quick fix. I have to realize that's true for me as well. Some of my clients have much farther to go than I do. If I feel this bad being 5lbs away from my goal wt...I can only imagine how it feels 10 lbs out, 15 lbs out...etc.
When I was pregnant I did lose about 60 lbs to come down to 115...but I had a baby I was busy with and I actually was less concerned about the weight. It pretty much fell off.
Now I have no baby and my weight is my main concern. It's not falling off although it's only 5 lbs. I must be patient.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
How Far We Do Fall
After months of training, denying myself carbs, not just bread but some days fruit...I am here eating what will be the last(I hope) sweet for one week.
I am munching on chocolate chip cookies. From Mcdonald's. After eating the Southern Style Chicken sandwich...meal.
Don't ask me what I ate beforehand..
Ok. A cinnamon roll.
Just a few weeks ago I was standing onstage in a bikini.
I won't consider wearing one now.
I denied myself so badly that when I finally told myself I could eat sweets...instead of eating a piece of cake, I ate a container of frosting.
My workouts were strenuous. I'd work out in between my clients and finally my body decided to stop responding. This was before the frosting episode.
When I decided to stop binging and trying to cover up my tracks by extensive exercising...I had an accident.
Prevented me from exercising for two weeks. This will be my third week. I did nothing but eat and feel sorry for myself, all the while training clients and watching myself get fatter while my clients got fitter.
I am still at the point where I can "hide" the fact that I went from 115 to 130. 130 might not seem like such a high number to most..but for me it is. This jump did not take place over a few years time or even over a years time.
I was 115 on Sept 18, the day of my competition.
Today on Oct 10, not even 30 days out I am 130.
I need to stop.
I need to get back on track.
Being a trainer my hours are all over the place. I have decided to not feel guilty if after a day where I train clients from 5am to 8 pm,, after my two hour commute home I am hungry..and althouth all my training plans had me stop at eating meal 6, I'd be so hungry I'd eat meal 7. I would feel horrible because I didn't stick to my 6 meals and I would decide to just eat whatever since I was obviously a failure. Instead of reaching for something healthy I'da eat a cinnamon role or a package of cookies and feel miserable for not having willpower.
Now - I'll have meal 7 or shall I say snack 7...only if I need it but I will pick something healthy like fruit(which I will not ever try to deny myself again..)
I also am going to start an exercise regimen in which I will be forced not to overexercise. I purchased a program from fatlosstogo.com and they have plenty of 10 min workouts. I will start with those combined with healthy eating and keep myself accountable by checking in.
I don't care about looking like a fitness model anymore. I wasn't happy when I was at my thinnest and starving myself and doing extreme amounts of exercise . In fact I was an irritable beatch to most people even if I fit into size 2 jeans.
To my clients and others I looked like I was picture perfect model of health. Inside I feel anything but.
Now, my outside matches how I felt inside. That's not good either.
I need to find a happy medium. I was at one end of the spectrum one month ago and now I am at the polar opposite. I need to find that middle ground.
My journey back to fitness begins....after I finish this cookie.
I am munching on chocolate chip cookies. From Mcdonald's. After eating the Southern Style Chicken sandwich...meal.
Don't ask me what I ate beforehand..
Ok. A cinnamon roll.
Just a few weeks ago I was standing onstage in a bikini.
I won't consider wearing one now.
I denied myself so badly that when I finally told myself I could eat sweets...instead of eating a piece of cake, I ate a container of frosting.
My workouts were strenuous. I'd work out in between my clients and finally my body decided to stop responding. This was before the frosting episode.
When I decided to stop binging and trying to cover up my tracks by extensive exercising...I had an accident.
Prevented me from exercising for two weeks. This will be my third week. I did nothing but eat and feel sorry for myself, all the while training clients and watching myself get fatter while my clients got fitter.
I am still at the point where I can "hide" the fact that I went from 115 to 130. 130 might not seem like such a high number to most..but for me it is. This jump did not take place over a few years time or even over a years time.
I was 115 on Sept 18, the day of my competition.
Today on Oct 10, not even 30 days out I am 130.
I need to stop.
I need to get back on track.
Being a trainer my hours are all over the place. I have decided to not feel guilty if after a day where I train clients from 5am to 8 pm,, after my two hour commute home I am hungry..and althouth all my training plans had me stop at eating meal 6, I'd be so hungry I'd eat meal 7. I would feel horrible because I didn't stick to my 6 meals and I would decide to just eat whatever since I was obviously a failure. Instead of reaching for something healthy I'da eat a cinnamon role or a package of cookies and feel miserable for not having willpower.
Now - I'll have meal 7 or shall I say snack 7...only if I need it but I will pick something healthy like fruit(which I will not ever try to deny myself again..)
I also am going to start an exercise regimen in which I will be forced not to overexercise. I purchased a program from fatlosstogo.com and they have plenty of 10 min workouts. I will start with those combined with healthy eating and keep myself accountable by checking in.
I don't care about looking like a fitness model anymore. I wasn't happy when I was at my thinnest and starving myself and doing extreme amounts of exercise . In fact I was an irritable beatch to most people even if I fit into size 2 jeans.
To my clients and others I looked like I was picture perfect model of health. Inside I feel anything but.
Now, my outside matches how I felt inside. That's not good either.
I need to find a happy medium. I was at one end of the spectrum one month ago and now I am at the polar opposite. I need to find that middle ground.
My journey back to fitness begins....after I finish this cookie.
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